I used to do this a lot on TikTok, but it's easier for me to write these days and I like my blog more. Basically, each week Games Workshop puts out a list of what's coming up for pre-order in its games, and I make jokes about which ones I want to sleep with. Pretty simple context

Note: my background is more Horus Heresy/Warhammer 40k, so I don't know a whole lot about Age of Sigmar and it's various characters

It's Black Library Celebration week! Clearly there will be nothing of interest and we can all get along with our lives...

Hell's Last Miniatures

Oh this is a definite SMASH. Captain Minka Lesk doesn't know when to stop, and she never finds herself alone in a situation. So there's going to be a party one way or another whenever she's around. Although, Minka can we leave the Axe-guy at home? I don't like the look on his face while holding the axe behind his back. He seems like he's into some really weird stuff.

Maleneth Witchblade

Unfortunely, this is a pass for me. Like I said above, I'm not too familiar with Age of Sigmar, so I don't know who this is, but everything about the pose suggests they are highly dexterous and flexible. That might have been appealing to me 10 years ago but I'm getting close to 40 now. All I see is an aching back and muscles the next morning.

Arcuitor Magisterium

In the small history of doing this, I'm going to do a first "it depends". I love the look of those arms. Having an extra set of hands in bed is not to be ignored. HOWEVER...I don't like the look of those clampers on top. Are they swappable? Some people are into clamps, but not me. That feather my little guy is holding though, that's what I'm talking about. Can we have that as an attachment??

Iron Hands Legion Praetor

Oh man, definite SMASH. You can just tell by looking at him he's into using some toys. Also, somehow those clamps don't look nearly as.....piercing.....as the Arcuitor. Those extra limbs look highly mobile as well. Like, even if I went with the Witchblade and woke up with a bad back, the Praetor looks like he might be able to crack my back into place for Round 2.

Iron Warriors Warsmith

This one is a SMASH, but not in the way you think. It's actually a pass for me, but that's because there's nothing stopping this guy. There is no amount of protection available that this guy isn't going to smash his way through. You can try, but he will find every nook and cranny to exploit. Also, we've seen 3 types of extra appendages in this release...and this one scares me the most. Reminds me of a wrecking crane...He's even got hazard stripes on his soldier! That's a red flag if I've ever seen one.

Notes/Disclaimers: I generally assume I know nothing. So if I've missed something, let me know in the comments. If you like these types of posts, consider subscribing to our patreon. Lastly, thanks to Wizards of the Coast for providing a review copy of this box.